He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
