Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
