Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
