you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
