I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it penis luge time yet?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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