i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
