he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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