Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
