We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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