i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
