we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
no. you can't hotbox the world.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
