I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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