Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
