R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
