Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
