I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
