watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
