He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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