My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
