do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
