mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
