Whod you bang
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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