There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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