So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
