I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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