This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
