I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
