You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
