There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
