my phone needs a breathalizer
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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