I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
