Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
