So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
