i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
