if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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