I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
