make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
