Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
