Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
