yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
