god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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