it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
