If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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