We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
