I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
