The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
