She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
