She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
