My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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