Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
