I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
