the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
