i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
